I would not want to live in the same house as this cat. It’s a silent assassin. Via Cynical-C.
Category: Humor
-
Atheism: Bringing the Sexy Back
It would be amusing to just have a contest asking people to guess what the vertical axis on this chart is supposed to represent.
The answer is, “reply rate to first-contact messages on an online dating site, as a function of words appearing in the message.” In particular, the site OkCupid, which has a handy rundown of which words and phrases are most likely to garner a reply to an initial contact. (Via FlowingData.) The average response rate is 32%, so you can see how using some specific word increases or decreases your chances of success. Apparently mentioning “God” is a big turn-off, although calling Him by a proper name is slightly helpful. But nothing works at turning a stranger’s head quite like bringing up His complete lack of existence.
Other useful hints: real words good, fake internet words bad. Complimenting personality/intellect good, complimenting looks bad. Being specific is good, especially if it involves physics, heavy metal, vegetarianism, or zombies. Hey, I’m just the messenger here.
-
If Science Knew All the Answers, It Would Stop
I have no idea why Kieran thinks that this Dara Ó Briain video would be my cup of tea. We all know that I am devoted to the ideal of communicative reason between respectful parties speaking in good faith. None of that tawdry mockery and whacking at people with sticks for me, no sir.
Nevertheless, it’s quite charming; perhaps it’s the Irish accent. Ó Briain studied math and theoretical physics at University College Dublin, where he was an officer of the Literary and Historical Society, where I spoke not too long ago. I cannot speculate where the fashion sense came from.
-
Attack of the Boltzmann Brains!
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a provocative scientific idea will, before too long, end up in the hands of villains that must be fought by superheroes. Witness Boltzmann brains. Sure, they’ve already made a cameo in Dilbert, but the stakes were pretty low. Now Jim Kakalios (author of the excellent The Physics of Superheroes) sends along sends along a couple of snippets from The Incredible Hercules #133 — in which our intrepid protagonists are attacked by freak observers fluctuated out of thermal equilibrium!
Actually here they are described as “freaky observers,” rather than the more conventional “freak observers.” That description brings to mind Smoove B rather than Ludwig Boltzmann, but who knows? Maybe unlikely thermal fluctuations tend to be pretty kinky.
And yes, before you all start in: we know that Boltzmann Brains don’t really make for a credible alien menace, if you insist on being persnickety about what they supposedly really represent. It’s not that they “perceive” a universe more chaotic than ours — it’s that they would dominate the total number of observers if the universe really were more chaotic than ours. (Which it isn’t!) Also, they would tend to dissolve back into the chaos from which they came, rather than staging a coordinated attack on our homeland. Still! What a novel challenge for the Allies’ greatest hero.
-
The Funniest Page on the Internet
I was planning a mildly amusing joke about “Pastaeidolia,” hoping that Phil would forgive me, after seeing this map of the Paris subway system (via Bioephemera).
I mean, the resemblance is unmistakable, no?
There’s no way that can simply be a coincidence.
But then I stumbled across the Flying Spaghetti Monster page at CreationWiki: The Encyclopedia of Creation Science. This is my new candidate for Funniest Page on the Internet. Marvel as they explain, with helpful charts and a compelling level of earnestness, why the FSM does not, in fact, deserve the same amount of respect as one should show to Creation Science.
Flying Spaghetti Monster Evolution Intelligent Design Creationism Intended as parody Intended as science Intended as science Intended as a scientific model of intelligent design Creator (the Flying Spaghetti Monster itself) assumed to exist and identified Creator assumed not to exist Creator (designer) inferred from the evidence but not identified Creator assumed to exist and specifically identified Evidence for evolution claimed to be planted by the creator Evidence for evolution is not to be questioned Evidence for evolution challenged with academic arguments Evidence for evolution challenged with academic arguments Creator makes things appear older than they are as a test of faith Accepts uniformitarian ages Generally accepts uniformitarian ages Rejects uniformitarian ages as based on unprovable presuppositions Has no genuine support in the scientific community Has the support of the vast majority of scientists Has the support of (at least) thousands of scientists Has the support of (at least) thousands of scientists Has no supporting evidence Has supporting evidence that is highly contested Has supporting evidence Has supporting evidence Against professionals like that, we amateur humorists stand little chance.
-
Daily Show Explains the LHC
You can always count on the Daily Show. As John presaged earlier this month, correspondent John Oliver visited CERN to do a report on the LHC, which has finally appeared. Watch as John Ellis lays the science smackdown!
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M – Th 11p / 10c Large Hadron Collider Daily Show
Full EpisodesEconomic Crisis First 100 Days The best thing about it is that, once again, Jon Stewart and company have taken an issue that completely flummoxed most major news media — in this case, the purported danger that the LHC will destroy the world — and actually get it right. In addition to visiting CERN itself, Oliver scored an interview with Walter Wagner (“graduated UC Berkeley with a Minor in Physics”), originator of much of the hysteria and lawsuits. You’ll get to hear Wagner explain that the probability the LHC will destroy the world is — wait for it — fifty percent. You know, because when you have two things that can possibly happen, obviously each has half the probability, right? I don’t want to say too much about Walter Wagner, because, if nothing else, the guy is really fond of a good lawsuit. So I have no comment whatsoever on Walter Wagner’s competence or sanity. But I do know people who are utterly incompetent and completely insane, who resemble Walter Wagner in certain ways. I’ll stop there.
See, major news media? It’s not that hard!
-
Wave of the Future
In the progression from magazines to blogs to Twitter feeds, the tea leaves are clear. I think we need a new social network, on which updates will take the form of nothing more than a single “0” or “1”.
We can call it “Bitter.”
-
I’m Pretty Sure This Is What That Official at NSF Was Watching
I will just mention that this guy doesn’t really look like Brian Greene. And that I’m disappointed the word “heterotic” couldn’t be worked in there somewhere.
And also that ordinary one-dimensional strings don’t form knots in higher dimensions of space, so extra-dimensional bondage requires extended objects. So really the guy in the cartoon should probably be “Dr. Polchinski.”
