Ex-

Quick! What do the following kinds of people have in common?

  • Rebel
  • Hypocrite
  • Masturbator
  • Atheist
  • Slave
  • Diva
  • Fornicator
  • Porn Addict
  • Homosexual

Answer below the fold.

The answer is: they are all bad. If you fit into any of these categories, you should recognize your shortcomings and change.

At least, that’s what I learned from P4CM.com, website of the Passion for Christ Movement. (Via, and also.) And once you successfully have overcome your shortcomings, let the world know with these snazzy T-shirts!

ex-masturbator_seneca_amy.png

Stylin’. I’m sure the kids at your high school will respect the strength of will you have demonstrated in announcing your lifestyle change through bold fashion choices. And the mental imagery will be completely welcome!

Still, there are some mixed messages here. Given the nature of the organization, we shouldn’t be surprised that “Atheist” and “Homosexual” and “Masturbator” are condemned as bad. And “Slave” isn’t something anyone wants to be, that’s for sure. But apparently you don’t want to be a “Rebel,” either. “Obey — but not too slavishly.” All of this while avoiding being a “Diva” or a “Hypocrite”! Man, religion is hard.

59 Comments

59 thoughts on “Ex-”

  1. Wow… just wow. Isn’t this a joke website? Because lol, that just goes way too far. I’m sorry for the models posing with those shirts. Ex-porn addict, lol.

  2. What they fail to recognize is that their own beleive system their messiah was a complete rebel, so much so they crucified him.
    Sorry… I can tell I am going serious here where this just had to be a good ol cheek in tongue post. Too funny!

    The only one I can agree with is hypocrite. Never good, even if we all have some hypocrisy in our lives.
    lol.. diva? Really they have diva on their no-no list? But not *thief*, *adulterer*, *murderer*, etc.

  3. This has got to be a joke. Read some of the lyrics posted on the site. When you look up the church street address on Google Maps, you get a warehouse.
    George

  4. Well… as an ex-christian, ex-teetotaller, ex-celibate, ex-prude, ex-spiritualist, and ex-conformist, I am sympathetic. I know the power of addiction! I struggle with it every day.

  5. ex-masturbator

    I want the ex-masturbator shirt. That’s awesome. Ohhhh I know what I’m getting my friends for Christmas this year!

  6. –And “Slave” isn’t something anyone wants to be, that’s for sure.–

    You know, I’ve come to a conclusion that people do have some innate desire to be slaves. Perhaps it has something to do with lack of responsibility (i.e. that slaves don’t have to be responsible for their actions, they just do whatever they are told; so it is somehow psychologically easier). And I think that this is related to the appeal of religion — people choose to become slaves when they submit to religion (think of muslims bowing down in prayer…).

  7. Elliot Tarabour

    You need to be careful if you wear the ex-masturbator shirt over the ex-fornicator shirt, there is a danger that you can just explode.

  8. ex-masturbator dameco:
    i mean, maybe if you’re smackin’ the monkey 34 times a day and forget to eat, shower, and go to work… but otherwise, i have a hard time with the idea that Almighty God gets particularly upset about some chick twiddlin’ her man-in-the-boat on occasion. God’s probably busy with starvation, terrorism, and High Fructose Corn Syrup. Take the hours spent on that blog and put them into a homeless shelter or burning a twinkie-effigy or something… Honestly, 7 year battle?

  9. I’m guilty of items 3, 4, and 7. Actually, given that this year my Fair Lady is living in a different continent, I might temporarily qualify as an ex-fornicator. The unfortunate downside is that my consumption of adult entertainment (and subsequent self-satisfaction) has increased. I guess you can’t have everything!

  10. I suspect slave is used metaphically here. Church goers often talk about being “slaves to” something. Just meaning they have relinquished control to something (food, sex, money, etc.), much like an addiction.

  11. Wouldn’t “I don’t masturbate” be a better shirt than “ex-masturbator”? Isn’t it a little insane to advertise sinning and overcoming over just plain not sinning? Yet this strangeness is built-in to Christianity. C.S. Lewis warned that nice people would struggle to get into Heaven, because they wouldn’t have many sin-and-overcome experiences. It’s a truly bizarre situation.

  12. Oh no. Just what the world needs: legions of hipsters ironically wearing “Ex-Masturbator” shirts….

  13. Low Math, Meekly Interacting

    It must take unswerving faith in The Almighty Lord to dare sport such an excruciatingly unhip slogan in public. It’s just so wrong on so many levels the mid reels. What’s wrong with something funny and catchy, like, I dunno, “Onan Had It Coming”, maybe. Yeah, it make some people groan, but not recoil in a mixture of horror and pity like these tees will. How some religious expression manages to communicate and influence so successfully I’ll just never understand.

  14. John R Ramsden

    Those people proudly wearing ex-masturbator tea shirts would be rather
    more convincing if they wore thick glasses.

    Also, although most these days seem to agree that hypocracy is among
    the worst sins, it has a constructive aspect and oils the wheels of society
    (and has a splendid tradition in the Christian church). Some of my best
    friends are hypocrites.

  15. anonymous this time

    Perhaps this is like the guy who gave up smoking; about a dozen times so far today…

    (And, strictly speaking, I think the biblical scholars among you will find that Onan’s specific sin was not masturbation per se, but coitus interruptus.)

  16. If curing death should be the first priority of transhumans then curing religion should be the second. It is a serious failing of any society to have so many of its members living their precious lives based on a delusion.

  17. Low Math, Meekly Interacting

    Onan’s sin was the “spilling of seed”, a consequence of both “pull and pray” as well as self-abuse. At any rate, in common parlance, “onanism” is understood to mean masturbation.

  18. I think people here are missing the point of “ex-masturbator”.

    Basically, I think they found something better, and it’s not Christ.

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